In a lifetime of suffering mental health problems, I’m at a stage, yet again, where I’m wanting to end it all. So, I’m feeling this way yet again, it’s been a long while since I’ve got to this stage of feeling the way I do recently (suicidal). I have felt like this so many times… Continue reading Unbearable
So, since the start of COVID, I’ve been getting more and more paranoid, anxious and worried, just like anyone else. Obviously it’s contributing to my mental health problems more. I’ve been having more bad dreams / nightmares recently, and I’ve been writing them down in my “dream journal”… I’ll write down a recent bad dream… Continue reading Anxieties And Nightmares
Whoever in the world reads this, I just want you to know, whoever you are… Loneliness can kill people, but as a society nobody wants to talk to people about it, nobody wants to give people the time… We suffer in silence… How do people overcome loneliness if no one wants to talk to them…… Continue reading To Whoever…
When I saw my CPN on Friday (26th), we spoke about a few specific things, and he helped me come up with a list of good memories to remember my partner Roger, because today (27th) is the anniversary of when Roger passed away, several years ago. My CPN is brilliant and so helpful, he knew… Continue reading Remember Good Times
In 2 months time it will be 6 years since I lost my partner Roger. But the thing is, the way my mind works confuses me. My mind still lives in this kinda fantasy / dream world, were I still believe my partner will come back alive (I know, strange huh), my mind has always… Continue reading Loyalty After Loss
On this date (28th Aug) it’s been exactly a year since I was last in hospital (I was sectioned)… The point is, I’m realising the difference from last year and this year. For example, last year I was in hospital 5 times (Clock View twice, Broadoak twice, and the Priory in Cheadle). The reason I… Continue reading This Time Last Year
So, yesterday morning (9th May) was my first time doing some volunteering in Mersey Care NHS FT, it was a big step for me and I finally felt proud of myself. The person who helps me with any volunteer opportunities attended the location with me, just so that I wouldn’t be nervous or shy for… Continue reading Started Volunteering
So the past couple weeks, I’ve been thinking and decided to withdraw from services (Mersey Care) as when I’m not feeling right I make wrong decisions, so my latest decisions recently is to withdraw from services because I feel like a hassle, in the way, an inconvenience, things like that. So I’ll see how I… Continue reading Wrong Decisions As Usual
I’ve finally got around to writing about my stay in Broadoak unit. I was detained under the mental health act (section 2), so I was there for a month (28th Aug – 27th Sep). It’s the second time I’ve been at Broadoak, the first time was only for few days. I’ve already written a post… Continue reading My Stay In Broadoak
Just writing about my latest psychiatrist appointment / review (it was 20th Dec) and as always it went well, simply because my psychiatrist is very understanding. Also present was my CPN and someone from Mersey Care PALS team (patient advice liaison service). They’re always brilliant in supporting me, and usually attend my psychiatrist reviews. I… Continue reading Psychiatrist Review
Vulnerable and naive are words I’d use to describe myself anytime I meet strangers from online occasionally… Anyway, the latest person I met online was a few weeks ago, we had only been chatting a few days, and then I agreed to meet him in person. I thought ok he seems like a pleasant person,… Continue reading Vulnerable And Naive
So the past couple of weeks have been difficult for me, not really mentioned it to people apart from my psychiatrist a couple of days ago. The only few great things that’s happened recently is Mersey Care related (e.g I went to volunteer induction etc). That’s about it really, my positive feelings and uplifting mood… Continue reading Tough Times Ahead
Just thought I’d write about a lifelong habit I have. Since I was a baby, I still suck my thumb (I’m 41 now). But I always wonder, why didn’t I grow out of that habit or is it an insecurity thing ? Is it just a habit or have I always felt a sense of… Continue reading My Lifelong Habit
I’ve had a whole week of doing absolutely nothing basically. As I’ve been unwell and in bed all week (since last Saturday). Now a week later, gradually feeling better than I was all week, so today (4th Dec) I finally got out of bed and try get some things done… I thought, I’m finally going… Continue reading A Week Of Nothing
Isolation can be described in so many ways, as we’re all different and experience isolation differently. For me isolation is like being in an empty room without a door, but then again it’s also like standing alone in the corner of a room full of people, that’s what isolation feels like to me. Loneliness, isolation… Continue reading An Isolated Life
I started psychotherapy 2 weeks ago, at Mersey Care psychotherapy department. I’ve had 2 sessions so far, and I’ve met the psychotherapist before earlier in the year I think it was, for assessments. So it helps when you’ve already met the person before and they already know a bit about you anyway, that was a… Continue reading Psychotherapy Sessions
I was just thinking, the importance of understanding, within the support one receives from e.g CPN, support worker, psychiatrist etc. My support is from Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust… I have a CPN, a psychiatrist, and now also started psychotherapy… There are two things that are very important to me, one is understanding, and another… Continue reading Support & Understanding
I was describing some things to my psychotherapist last week, and he mentioned the term “Stockholm Syndrome”, I thought to myself “I’ve heard of that term but forgot what it meant”… So when I got home I started reading about it again and thought to myself “ah yes I remember what it’s all about now”.… Continue reading Stockholm Syndrome ?
Just thought I’d write about the day I was discharged from Broad Oak unit psychiatric hospital (27th Sep). I’ll write about my time in hospital, in a separate post. Anyway, before my being discharged, I had my review with the psychiatrist on the ward, also attended the review was someone from Mersey Care PALS (Patient… Continue reading Discharged From Hospital
I feel different today, so worn down, and like something is missing, the end of an era of something, I don’t know, something seems different today, a sad sinking feeling, like I’m missing something, like I’ve made a regretful mistake because I’m in a bad mood and it’s too late to go back and resolve… Continue reading So I’ve Been Thinking
Mind With A View 