I was just thinking, the importance of understanding, within the support one receives from e.g CPN, support worker, psychiatrist etc. My support is from Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust… I have a CPN, a psychiatrist, and now also started psychotherapy… There are two things that are very important to me, one is understanding, and another is a genuine manner. As with anything, it takes a long time to understand someone. I don’t know why I always have this need to be understood by people, especially by mental health professionals that deal with me. Because no matter what, we are all different, as a service user, I’m different from another person even if they had the same conditions as myself, it doesn’t matter, we’re still different, we’re more than the condition, we’re more than the criteria, the symptons. For example, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) amongst other mental health problems, so if someone reads about BPD, they will base their understanding of me just from that, and not base their understanding or opinion of me by getting to know me as a person, and that takes time, it takes time to trust and understand, from both sides, I would have to understand them, and they’d have to understand me too. This is the same with if someone reads a report about you, it doesn’t mean they fully know YOU though, they’re just reading what others wrote, it could say anything, you’d never know. I propose a new idea actually, let’s write our own reports about ourselves, and compare to reports written about us.
And this why it’s so important that anyone who deals with your care and supports you, they must understand YOU, and this takes time. With my current support, it’s going good, because it’s consistent, it’s planned, they have become very understanding of my ways and my reactions to stress and everything like that, patience is important too. Whereas in the past, for example with other support workers I had, it wasn’t consistent, there were breaks in the support, there was no routine, no structure and no understanding, as there was no time to get to understand me, this is were the trust and genuine manner comes in, I felt I didn’t get that, hence I didn’t want to see them anymore. As it really hurts me when I’m made to feel like I’m a problem just for others not willing to have the patience to deal with me, which makes me mistrust and so on. So since then I have new support. If people understand me, which takes time, look beyond the mental health conditions, and understand my ways and my needs, when that happens, to me that means the support is spot on. Yes my ways and my reactions are partly due to my disorder, but not entirely, hence, know the person not just whatever disorder I have. We’re all different and react to things differently, we react differently in crisis too, what leads to our crisis moments are different… We’re all different and we get support in different ways. (I’m not talking just about when in a crisis of course)
For quite a while now, the support I have (CPN) is going good, yes one or two hiccups along the way previously, but that’s me and how I react to things that may have gone wrong with my support and then resolved of course… No problem now, the support is good, there is structure, routine, I’m involved in knowing about my support, care plan and so on. What makes it good ? Well simply, I’m understood now, and that has taken time, the routine is the same now, no more disruption in routine, no more situations like in the past were suddenly new people keep taking over my support and so on, and so far no more times when support is suddenly stopped without my knowing, this creates distress for me, it’s like being left in the dark, not knowing what’s going on. But that was then, and this is now… I’m happy with the people in my support currently, it’s a good set up as it were, I don’t know why it always has to be 2 people but anyway very down to earth, and if there was a problem it’s resolved. For example I’ve got things wrong before in the past yes and recent times too, e.g I misunderstand things about my care or whatever sudden problem occurs, I get upset easily, but then once things are resolved it’s ok then. I explain my quick reaction to stressful situations to the professionals in my care and they say “it’s ok we understand, we know you by now”… See, that’s what I mean, that’s how it should be… Other people would just say I don’t want to deal with you anymore, it’s happened to me alot in the past, mental health professionals I mean when they don’t want to deal with me anymore, I have felt abandoned in the past and no one wanted to deal with me, they didn’t want to give it enough time to actually get to understand me and how my mental health conditions affect me, and importantly understand me as a person.
This is why understanding people is important, and you can’t be understood by people who have only met you once or twice and then another support person takes over, this changes the routine, and there’s no time to build trust… The way people talk to me is important too, if they don’t talk in a genuine manner, that will put me off, and if I’m lied to (with intent) then that will put me off too ! I get along with my current CPNs, the understanding is there, from myself too, I’m grateful for their support, no matter my mood at the time, they understand me.
It’s the same with the people I see from Mersey Care PALS team, they have been tremendously supportive when I’ve needed their help with something. They understand me and my ways and my reactions if a problem occurs (within my care) and it causes me distress and I react stressfully, they’d also say “it’s ok, we understand, we know you by now”… They are brilliant people, no matter my mood or situations, whether angry or sad or whatever. To be understood by people is an important thing, it’s always been so important to me all my life, it’s like “don’t judge me, don’t hate me, don’t avoid me, you don’t know how my mind works, you must know me first”. Although I do end up apologising alot to people, just simply for being me, in case people don’t understand me and my ways, or my reaction to whatever problem may occur. Many professionals would just not want to deal with me, which has happened in the past, but it doesn’t make sense though, you can’t choose who you want to deal with and who you don’t want to deal with, mental health is mental health, right ? That’s like saying, mental health professionals wouldn’t deal with me, because of my mental health ? It doesn’t make sense does it… It’s all about understanding.
Anyway, as for my psychiatrist, he’s brilliant too, again it’s the understanding element, that’s the key, where there’s understanding, there’s trust. And the simple fact that I highly respect him. His understanding of BPD is amazing, his understanding of me as a person, my ways of thinking, what stresses me, how I should be approached (talked to I meant – e.g BPD sufferers are very sensitive), and just generally really understanding, because you have to understand the person not just the disorder. He’s a brilliant psychiatrist, I’ve seen a few in the past, but I feel they’ve not understood me much at all. I have much respect for my psychiatrist, in fact he should get a Mersey Care award for best psychiatrist, and he should be nationally recognised, internationally recognised ! Because I said so ! So there ! Ok seriously now, his understanding, his patience, his genuine attitude are some of the main key elements of dealing with service users, and everybody should be this way.
Actually, anyone else who has the patience to understand me, I’d thank them in advance, if I had the chance. (that wasn’t meant to rhyme)
I’m grateful for my support no matter how awkward I can get…
THANK YOU MERSEY CARE SERVICE
Mind With A View 