In a lifetime of suffering mental health problems, I’m at a stage, yet again, where I’m wanting to end it all. So, I’m feeling this way yet again, it’s been a long while since I’ve got to this stage of feeling the way I do recently (suicidal). I have felt like this so many times… Continue reading Unbearable
So, since the start of COVID, I’ve been getting more and more paranoid, anxious and worried, just like anyone else. Obviously it’s contributing to my mental health problems more. I’ve been having more bad dreams / nightmares recently, and I’ve been writing them down in my “dream journal”… I’ll write down a recent bad dream… Continue reading Anxieties And Nightmares
In 2 months time it will be 6 years since I lost my partner Roger. But the thing is, the way my mind works confuses me. My mind still lives in this kinda fantasy / dream world, were I still believe my partner will come back alive (I know, strange huh), my mind has always… Continue reading Loyalty After Loss
On this date (28th Aug) it’s been exactly a year since I was last in hospital (I was sectioned)… The point is, I’m realising the difference from last year and this year. For example, last year I was in hospital 5 times (Clock View twice, Broadoak twice, and the Priory in Cheadle). The reason I… Continue reading This Time Last Year
So the past couple weeks, I’ve been thinking and decided to withdraw from services (Mersey Care) as when I’m not feeling right I make wrong decisions, so my latest decisions recently is to withdraw from services because I feel like a hassle, in the way, an inconvenience, things like that. So I’ll see how I… Continue reading Wrong Decisions As Usual
I’ve finally got around to writing about my stay in Broadoak unit. I was detained under the mental health act (section 2), so I was there for a month (28th Aug – 27th Sep). It’s the second time I’ve been at Broadoak, the first time was only for few days. I’ve already written a post… Continue reading My Stay In Broadoak
Just writing about my latest psychiatrist appointment / review (it was 20th Dec) and as always it went well, simply because my psychiatrist is very understanding. Also present was my CPN and someone from Mersey Care PALS team (patient advice liaison service). They’re always brilliant in supporting me, and usually attend my psychiatrist reviews. I… Continue reading Psychiatrist Review
So the past couple of weeks have been difficult for me, not really mentioned it to people apart from my psychiatrist a couple of days ago. The only few great things that’s happened recently is Mersey Care related (e.g I went to volunteer induction etc). That’s about it really, my positive feelings and uplifting mood… Continue reading Tough Times Ahead
Isolation can be described in so many ways, as we’re all different and experience isolation differently. For me isolation is like being in an empty room without a door, but then again it’s also like standing alone in the corner of a room full of people, that’s what isolation feels like to me. Loneliness, isolation… Continue reading An Isolated Life
I started psychotherapy 2 weeks ago, at Mersey Care psychotherapy department. I’ve had 2 sessions so far, and I’ve met the psychotherapist before earlier in the year I think it was, for assessments. So it helps when you’ve already met the person before and they already know a bit about you anyway, that was a… Continue reading Psychotherapy Sessions
I was just thinking, the importance of understanding, within the support one receives from e.g CPN, support worker, psychiatrist etc. My support is from Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust… I have a CPN, a psychiatrist, and now also started psychotherapy… There are two things that are very important to me, one is understanding, and another… Continue reading Support & Understanding
I was describing some things to my psychotherapist last week, and he mentioned the term “Stockholm Syndrome”, I thought to myself “I’ve heard of that term but forgot what it meant”… So when I got home I started reading about it again and thought to myself “ah yes I remember what it’s all about now”.… Continue reading Stockholm Syndrome ?
Just thought I’d write about the day I was discharged from Broad Oak unit psychiatric hospital (27th Sep). I’ll write about my time in hospital, in a separate post. Anyway, before my being discharged, I had my review with the psychiatrist on the ward, also attended the review was someone from Mersey Care PALS (Patient… Continue reading Discharged From Hospital
I feel different today, so worn down, and like something is missing, the end of an era of something, I don’t know, something seems different today, a sad sinking feeling, like I’m missing something, like I’ve made a regretful mistake because I’m in a bad mood and it’s too late to go back and resolve… Continue reading So I’ve Been Thinking
Just a quick post. Wondering anyone who takes Lithium, what are their thoughts and importantly their feelings and effects ? My psychiatrist (he’s the best !) agreed with me to let me try Lithium soon, I’m quite anxious about it, I’ve never had Lithium before, but I discussed it with him to see what his… Continue reading Starting Lithium Soon
As I describe myself living with Borderline and how my mind works in an honest and somewhat distasteful way, I often wonder, is life a journey or simply a task… Am I living or existing… I’m a service user at Mersey Care NHS. At the end of the day, like other service users, I don’t… Continue reading Borderline & Me
We all have different ways of dealing with stressful situations, emotions, feelings and so on. And self harm is typically associated with BPD, but not everyone with BPD would self harm. Every person with BPD is different. I’ve had this diagnosis since late teens, well that’s when my behaviour was looked into properly, as previous… Continue reading Self Harm & BPD
Mind With A View 