This Time Last Year

On this date (28th Aug) it’s been exactly a year since I was last in hospital (I was sectioned)… The point is, I’m realising the difference from last year and this year. For example, last year I was in hospital 5 times (Clock View twice, Broadoak twice, and the Priory in Cheadle). The reason I was in the Priory is because there were no beds available in Liverpool, I spent the night in A & E first because there was nowhere else to send me, and then in morning they took me straight to the Priory. Obviously I’d dread it if I ever had to go hundreds of miles away, my mum would never be able to visit me then.

Anyhow, obviously the point of this post is, the difference I’ve noticed, from last year and this year, some of the achievements I’ve done so far. So when I saw my CPN recently (18th Aug) we were talking about the difference from last year and so far this year, my small achievements and positives etc, bit by bit, it all counts.

So he asked me to write a list of my achievements so far this year, to make me realise the difference from last year. I couldn’t think of anything, I always find it difficult to realise my achievements unless other people notice it first and point it out to me. So my CPN said ‘ok well I can think of many achievements you’ve done so far this year, I’ll write them down for you then’…

Here’s some of the things he wrote down:

He said, take this list home with you, so you can always remember the progress this year, compared to last year, and keep adding to it. It may look like to many other people that my achievements seem trivial or small, but to me, these are big achievements, the little achievements are the big achievements to me…

Basically, this is what my CPN written down for me so far:-

Continued to see my CPN and my psychiatrist. they are great people, really helpful towards me, very understanding and we get on well, they’re major people in my overall support. Dr Tavernor (he’s my psychiatrist) and Mike Lewis (he’s my CPN).
Stayed out of hospital. compared to last year I was in hospital 5 times.
Engaged well with psychotherapist. my psychotherapist is brilliant, he’s been a big help to me and each session I’ve had, has been a help bit by bit getting down to the root causes of my mental health problems, examining my childhood, child abuse, and other traumas throughout my life, loss of loved ones / relatives, and also the loss of my partner Roger, he was the love of my life (he passed away 6 years ago, from MND / ALS)
Started medication which has helped. I’m on Lithium now, since last year. I’d say it’s been beneficial more than all the other anti-depressants & anti-psychotics I’ve had over the past 20 years.
Recovery College. I’ve finally had the courage to sign up to a few things at the Recovery College (Life Rooms), I’ve not started yet, but it was a big step to sign up to a few things, meaning my social anxiety and shyness often stops me getting on with things, trying to mix with people, things like that.
Employee/Team of the Month panel / volunteering. a big achievement for me was being a volunteer at Mersey Care service now, and I’m on the Employee / Team of the Month panel. I’m so proud of myself doing that, I just love it when employees & teams of Mersey Care get nominated for what they do. I love that, makes me happy. I nominated my psychiatrist at one point because he’s brilliant (Dr Tavernor), he should get recognition too for his work in Mersey Care and I highly respect him… Other opportunities arise for me from volunteering too, so I feel positive about it obviously. There are many opportunities in Mersey Care service. I feel like “finally I’m proud of myself, I can show my true potential and put my qualities and capabilities into use”.
Meeting with Chief Executive of Mersey Care NHS. this was a great achievement for me because I had a chance to discuss such an important thing, ways & ideas to address stigma that still happens within services (e.g stigma towards personality disorders). Also present at the meeting was a great person from Mersey Care PALS team, he’s been a great help to me in the past. He attended the meeting just for support really as he always knows I’m shy speaking to people who don’t know me properly, so he was a great help too at the meeting… I felt privileged to have that chance of meeting Chief Exec Joe Rafferty, to discuss such an important issue, it was an honour to speak to him. A very positive & productive meeting, great ideas and overall importantly I felt listened to. He’s a great professional, down to earth, and I highly respect him.
Attending Mersey Care events. this is a big achievement, as compared to last year I’d never of thought I’d have the courage to attend such events, simply due to my shyness and social anxiety in such situations where there are many people. So this is a great step that I’ve achieved, and I learn so much attending Mersey Care events (e.g Service User & Carer Assembly etc), I attended the Mersey Care AGM too, that was a big achievement for me also… I always feel like I have a need to be involved in things in some way, as a service user, we all learn from eachother, ideas, views, solutions (service users & carers & professionals), like a team, working together another way forward towards perfect care.
Meeting new people. e.g when doing the various Mersey Care volunteer training days and attending Mersey Care events, I’ve been introduced to great people whereas previously I’ve only interacted with people online, such great Mersey Care people, I always feel privileged whenever I meet new people, because I never get a chance otherwise, I’m a bit of a loner, well very much so, not by choice though (e.g my shyness around new people, new situations, lack of social skills for many years, no friends for many years, social anxiety, feel isolated and lonely… things like that add towards my always being a loner).
Making a good impression. I think in my own little way I’m starting to make a good impression around people. People who don’t know me properly and people who already got to know me. Bit by bit I’m trying to gain social skills, trying to say to myself things like “hey you’re a great caring, kind, down to earth, funny, polite, friendly person, believe in yourself and be yourself, your mental health conditions don’t define you”.